One Day

Is there an unwritten rule that say's when you finally get up someone must kick or knock you back down or try to?
Lately that's what it seem's like....


I've ran into my ex lately a few time's... it's hard... it hurt's.. it make's me wanna cry I hate him so much for what I let him put me threw but I cant hate him because I did it to myself it's my fault my choice... He's my past and I wish he would stay there and never come back when I've seen him he's said thing's that scared me and upset me I just wanted to call my brother's but I knew I couldn't I know I can't..

I am sick of always having to put up with my brother's making fun of me for dating him or saying they can't trust me because I dated him or I'll never become Temple worthy or stay that way there's no way I'll ever be able to because of my past... I am so sick of my past being thrown in my face... I already hate my past I wish it never happened but if it didnt would I be going to church today? would I of moved to Utah and found my faith again? I dont think I would of I think I would still be messing up my life... I wish people could just see who I am today not see me for who I use to be and stop judging me for my past dont I desirve a second chance? I understand trust isnt give it's something I have to earn but havent I earned a little trust or a little respest from my family yet? if not when will I?

It's starting to feel like my brother's want to see if I'll break or just keep trying to better my life...

I feel like when my family looks at me all they see are my mistake's and my past no one see's who I am today or what I've accomplished in life all they see is my failer's....