One Day

Is there an unwritten rule that say's when you finally get up someone must kick or knock you back down or try to?
Lately that's what it seem's like....


I've ran into my ex lately a few time's... it's hard... it hurt's.. it make's me wanna cry I hate him so much for what I let him put me threw but I cant hate him because I did it to myself it's my fault my choice... He's my past and I wish he would stay there and never come back when I've seen him he's said thing's that scared me and upset me I just wanted to call my brother's but I knew I couldn't I know I can't..

I am sick of always having to put up with my brother's making fun of me for dating him or saying they can't trust me because I dated him or I'll never become Temple worthy or stay that way there's no way I'll ever be able to because of my past... I am so sick of my past being thrown in my face... I already hate my past I wish it never happened but if it didnt would I be going to church today? would I of moved to Utah and found my faith again? I dont think I would of I think I would still be messing up my life... I wish people could just see who I am today not see me for who I use to be and stop judging me for my past dont I desirve a second chance? I understand trust isnt give it's something I have to earn but havent I earned a little trust or a little respest from my family yet? if not when will I?

It's starting to feel like my brother's want to see if I'll break or just keep trying to better my life...

I feel like when my family looks at me all they see are my mistake's and my past no one see's who I am today or what I've accomplished in life all they see is my failer's....

Marley is finally here

July 12th 2009 at 5:28 am my sister finally had her baby she's 6 pounds 1 ounce 18 inches long and has a full head of dark hair she's so beautiful and tinny (yes it took me a week after she was born to post this but I still posted it lol)

Picture's will be coming soon

But she still CAN NOT and WILL NOT take the place of my Midget who I love with all my heart she's my bestest best niece ever! lol :)

Even though Marliey is amazing in her own way they each have their own special place in my heart and are the bestest best niece ever!

FHE night at the beach

I went with Tiffany to the FHE night our ward was having at the beach, I wanted to really meet this guy who I've seen but not really seen but by the time we got there he left (we got a little lost so we were an hour or so late) but I had a lot of fun I ran into the water and got soaking wet head to toe in my clothes lol it was great the water wasnt the cold actually it was kind of warm then it started to sprinkle and everyone left we were gonna go play 007 (whatever that is) with some people but we got lost going back to the freeway lol so we just did our own thing, I saw where the octo mom lives its actually a really nice house then i forgot my sandles in tiffany's car..


all in all i actuall have a lot of fun tonight

yesterday I went...

I went to the Doctors, he put me on 3 different medicens, two for my head and one for the pain in my chest....

he did an EKG (electro karto gram, checks your heart) he said everything looked fine but gave me some pills for acid build up incase thats what the pain in my chest is, i know its still to soon to telll but my chest still hurts badly but maybe in a few days it'll be okay....

so far my head still feels like its going to implode and its hard to think and i cant see out of the corner of my right eye still.....

Cancer run walk..

Saturday May 9th my sisters (my sister in laws, and katies sister and mom) did the Revlon run walk for womens cancer it was a 5k (3.1 miles) it was a lot of fun.... other then having to wake up early in the morning lol.... when it first started it was so crowed kind of like when you let wild anamls out of a cage lol but then everyone spread out, we got little medles which was very cool, we saw Christina Applegate while we were walking Katie and I wanted to take a picture but mom wouldnt let us lol oh well..

after the walk we had to walk to find dad, then we went and ate then went home to get ready for Madisons 4th birthday party (those pictures will be here soon) while everyone was getting ready I had to wait so I went out and bought wraping paper and balloons, for madison and for mothers day (sames it was the next day) I found an awesome balloon that sings "you are my sun shine mom" so of course I had to get it...

seeing Chris

So Chris is in LA, I went up him on the 6th when he got in.... I've missed he a lot... we watched movied and cuddled, it was an amazing time.... I think Iam gonna see him tonight, I hope I get to he said he's gonna try to come down here tonight and/ or tomorrow night.... he knows that if he does he'll have to meet my family lol but he said hes fine with that.... Iam excited.... but I have to go to work now ugh I cant wait to get my BA in nursing so I can have a job I like!

Birthday Lunch with Katie

So Friday (April 10th) was my birthday needless to say it wasnt such a great birthday, So Katie (my awesome sister in law) took me out to lunch at Red Robin, it was a lot of fun, it made my birthday a good one.

I don't know what I would do most of the time if I couldnt talk to her about anything and everything... I use to tell everything to my sister but she's to busy i guess.. but oh well I have Katie :)

<3

I Love you!

My 22nd Birthday

My 22nd Birthday Party!

well the little one that we had... mike came over just as I was leaving to go see my friends...

My birthday was kind of crapy but oh well...

St. Pattys Day!

HAPPY St. PATTY's DAY!!!!

So last night we brought Lynn home and the other night Jason and Oleysa came back, so this moring in the frirst day of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh

5:ooam started the day, lynn got the dog to start barking and he finally has stopped my head is hurting sooooo badly now and lynn just keeps giving me dirty looks...

Oh I cleaned my batheroom last night, this morning omg yea.... this is gonna be a long few months!

New Job

So I started my new job yesterday its kinda boring but at the same time its a job so its money.... I still cant wait to become a dentail asst. and have a I guess you can say real job it is a real job but I mean one that I dont make what I use to make in one single day with taxes taken out that Ill make where Iam at right now in two weeks.... that kinda really sucks... oh well its a job

Interview

Today I have a job interview, it should go good, I should get this job... I hope I do!!!

wish me luck!!!!!!!!

Figured it out!

I think Ive finally figured out what I want to be and how Iam going to get it all done... Iam happy that Iam here, Today I got to see Mike and Katie Ive missed then lots...

Iam going to go to school and become a dental assient then while Iam working as that Iam going to go to school and become a special needs teacher...
: )