Life as it is

Its been a long time since Ive updated this, so I think its about time....

My life has changed completely, nothing is the same and I think that everything will be getting much much much more different... Fist of all I am completely and utterly in love with my boyfriend Lowell, he's so amazing, he actually treats me right like I should be treated I know he loves me with all his heart and not because he tells me threw out the day and night but because he shows me by how he is with me, I know in my heart that he's the one for me, my one and only true love, hes so amazing and incredbile I love him so much, more then I ever thought that I could ever love someone.... well thats it for right now...

Update...

The first part of May I ended up getting really sick, had high fevers, couldnt eat just wanted to sleep, some of my lovely family said I wasnt sick that I was having withdrawls (withdrawls from what? you have to be doing something to have them..) my mom finally ended up taking me to the doctors and found out that I had monno (and no you dont get it from kissing it's a virus you get it the same way you get strep throat and it's really just a horrible case of strep throat!!!) and I also had a really bad infection that was in the worst spot ever (when you have an infection anywhere on your face they tend to drain into your brain, when that happens there is a high chance that it'll kill you..) hearing that I had an infection that would kill me was scary and being so sick that you didnt really understand anything was making things worse.. I know it was hard for my parents to deal with that and not know what was going to happen and on top of all that have to take care of me like a toddler again.. What really gets me is even after my mom told the part of my family what was actually wrong with me they still said that it's only withdrawls.. seriously why do I need to prove myself to my family and why cant they believe that I would never go back to doing that again (my parents believe me they trust me) my family can be so frustrating... so after four weeks of being sick I am finally better (gotten crap from som of my family because if I wasnt stupid and make it so I would have withdrawls people could of done things and not had to avoid me or baby sit me)

I've lost weight I finally fit back into my old clothes and I love it! I still want to lose some more weight though hopefully at the end of the summer I am where I want to be.

In five days Mike, Katie and Cayden are going to be here I finally get to meet my new nephew, and see Mike and Katie, I havent seen Mike since they moved which has been about five months, so much has changed since then, it's weird to think my brother is now a father, I think once I actually meet Cayden that it'll seem more real to me.

I've thought alot about life the past few weeks and I've realized there are only a few things that are important in life, Faith, Pray, Obediance and Family.. Knowing that life seems so much better and I think it's time for a change, so I am painting my room throwing away things that remind me of people and things I dont want to remember, even though there are things that I'll never forget but I can try to forgive them, it's so hard to forgive people for saying something so rude and so hurtful to you, but I think that if I cant forgive them for something petty then why should Heavenly Father forgive me for what I've done wrong, life is to short to have a grudge against someone..

New Nephew

A week ago, My sister in law Katie gave birth to my first real nephew he was early and very tinny but he's here and and getting bigger (even though he's bigger he's still soooo tinny) he looks even smaller then my brother Mike holds him haha.. He's so cute I cant wait to meet him, this makes them living in Idaho that much more annoying but they'll be back when they're suppose to come back..

:)

so lately I've been hanging out with an old friend from High School, it's been so much fun, sucks that he's moving soon.. and then Matt is moving to Texas in 5 months ugh!! My niece Marly has gotten so big she's 8 1/2 months and 22 lbs she's so chubby now it's so cute! Madison is going to be 5 soon, ugh that makes me feel like I am getting old now, and it's almost my birthday :) I cant wait

One Day

Is there an unwritten rule that say's when you finally get up someone must kick or knock you back down or try to?
Lately that's what it seem's like....


I've ran into my ex lately a few time's... it's hard... it hurt's.. it make's me wanna cry I hate him so much for what I let him put me threw but I cant hate him because I did it to myself it's my fault my choice... He's my past and I wish he would stay there and never come back when I've seen him he's said thing's that scared me and upset me I just wanted to call my brother's but I knew I couldn't I know I can't..

I am sick of always having to put up with my brother's making fun of me for dating him or saying they can't trust me because I dated him or I'll never become Temple worthy or stay that way there's no way I'll ever be able to because of my past... I am so sick of my past being thrown in my face... I already hate my past I wish it never happened but if it didnt would I be going to church today? would I of moved to Utah and found my faith again? I dont think I would of I think I would still be messing up my life... I wish people could just see who I am today not see me for who I use to be and stop judging me for my past dont I desirve a second chance? I understand trust isnt give it's something I have to earn but havent I earned a little trust or a little respest from my family yet? if not when will I?

It's starting to feel like my brother's want to see if I'll break or just keep trying to better my life...

I feel like when my family looks at me all they see are my mistake's and my past no one see's who I am today or what I've accomplished in life all they see is my failer's....

Marley is finally here

July 12th 2009 at 5:28 am my sister finally had her baby she's 6 pounds 1 ounce 18 inches long and has a full head of dark hair she's so beautiful and tinny (yes it took me a week after she was born to post this but I still posted it lol)

Picture's will be coming soon

But she still CAN NOT and WILL NOT take the place of my Midget who I love with all my heart she's my bestest best niece ever! lol :)

Even though Marliey is amazing in her own way they each have their own special place in my heart and are the bestest best niece ever!

FHE night at the beach

I went with Tiffany to the FHE night our ward was having at the beach, I wanted to really meet this guy who I've seen but not really seen but by the time we got there he left (we got a little lost so we were an hour or so late) but I had a lot of fun I ran into the water and got soaking wet head to toe in my clothes lol it was great the water wasnt the cold actually it was kind of warm then it started to sprinkle and everyone left we were gonna go play 007 (whatever that is) with some people but we got lost going back to the freeway lol so we just did our own thing, I saw where the octo mom lives its actually a really nice house then i forgot my sandles in tiffany's car..


all in all i actuall have a lot of fun tonight